Take care of your mental health!
Living with chronic illness, we know life is hard. Throughout my time as a full-time spoonie, I've been able to cope with the overwhelming amount of grief and anxiety. My lack of posting lately is due to the fact I have struggled lately dealing with the overwhelming amount of grief and anxiety that comes with other things that are not related to being in pain 24/7 or sick. 2018 has been a difficult year for me, I've remained strong and pushed through the first portion of it, instead of coping with my emotional pain. I got out of a toxic and emotionally damaging relationship the beginning of this year on top of juggling full time college courses, working full time, and just everyday life. For lack of detail, I completely ignored my mental health and charged through the normal coping stages when things went wrong. I wasn't emotionally stable to handle anything else thrown at me, so when something was thrown, I was down for the count. Lately I have been focusing on my mental health and rebuilding the foundation that makes me a strong spoonie. I have been attending therapy and creating a toolbox of coping mechanisms to help me combat not only chronic pain, but emotional pain as well. What I'm getting with this is to show that there is a light I am starting to see at the end of my currently difficult tunnel, but it's there. Life is tough, but so are you. Remember to put your mental heath first too, your physical well being isn't the only type of health that should be taken care of.
Some days it just feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, not in the figurative “I have to keep everyone in mind” kind of way, but the “my back is aching because the world is really freaking heavy” way. The past week has been a rough one for me. There is something about being stuck in a house with a flare up with nothing to do, nobody to talk to, and the weather outside painfully cold. It’s like all of my old demons like to come out of their hiding spaces when we are all locked in a room together. Anxieties and depressing feelings come back and suddenly those four walls really start to feel like they’re closing in on you.
We’ve all been here, if you’re anything like me it tends to roll around the last few weeks of “winter flare up hell” and you’re waiting for that winter weather to hit the road.
Eagerly tonight I tagged along with my mom to go to the store, as I miserably walked inside with the stabbing pains from the cold wind I approached a sign for sale that stuck out to me.
“To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.”
Now as most of the people who know me in real life know that I am a flower…enthusiast, let’s say. I work at a garden shop, my room looks like a 93 year old’s room, and I literally have a separate blog dedicated to my love for flowers…so to say that this sign screamed me, it really did.
The quote really got me thinking more positively. Right now really may suck and I may feel really useless but that doesn’t mean I’m still not growing. That doesn’t mean that tomorrow will not come and be better. It also means that I don’t have to sit around and wait for tomorrow to be a better version of myself. I don’t need to wait for the sun to rise and the snow to melt to try and enjoy my life. I can sit in front of a sun therapy light and throw on the country music, watching YouTube videos of the waves crashing the shore and help myself feel better, and that’s with the snow on the ground outside my window and the sun hidden away by clouds.
I need to plant my “garden” for me to grow. I need to start somewhere to have a better tomorrow.
In the next week I am creating goals for myself to achieve to help make my life more fulfilling. Between working at the job I adore or getting more in touch with my artistic side, I will make this a good week. I will push myself through my pain and anxieties to be better because I want to be better. Life is too short to mope around because my pain is still here. I know one thing for certain, my pain isn’t going away tomorrow but that doesn’t mean I can’t still grow around it.
My advice to you if you are in a similar situation is to find something positive. Find something that makes you feel whole and fulfilled and will help you grow, and if you need a boost, like sitting in front of a video of the ocean…then do so. Whatever it takes.
Inhale and exhale. It will be okay. You just have to want it to be okay to allow yourself to be. The sun will rise again, the snow will melt and reveal the green grass you miss so much, and the flowers will be in bloom before you know it. You have to push through the hard stuff sometimes to get that happiness, just as flowers need to emerge from the dirt to be bright and beautiful for you to see.